Lately my faith has been tested. No not in the sense of do I believe or not. Oh I'm sorry I've been gone. I'm Stephanie the blogger for Worship Gear. My husband is the face of Worship Gear. He might say it's me but what happened to my husband was a miracle and after many years of sharing it with only a few, his story is Worship Gear's and when he's ready to tell it, it will Amaze you.
I want to say I'm a person of convenience. Aren't we all? We've become accustomed to our fancy phones, our apps that check us into the airport faster and hundreds upon hunderds of cable channels, not to mention Netflix to keep us busy for more than four lifetimes! These toys and conveniences can distract us from what we really want in life and many question who GOD is. I try to stay focused on His Promises as the amount of time we have on earth is limited.
The testing part: I say I'm tested because I've got a very smallish window to have another child and I just don't know what will happen. I'm 44. Please don't gasp. Please don't judge. I went through IVF three rounds and on the third try had two beautiful daughters. I can't complain. We're blessed. The fourth embryo transfer ended in another loss. The first two were painful and as any woman knows, the quest to build your family can be up and down and a balancing act. Going through fertility treatments can test ones faith beyond all rational limits but as sure as I sit here and type this, it was all worth it to become a parent at a later age.
Our children are eight years old now and happy for the most part. I just never thought the 40's would get here so fast. We can all relate to that right! I also never gave much thought to having a family-getting married yes, but children, not really on my radar.
Now you can go through life bouncing from career to career to a different spouse, but for sure those life choices will follow you if you don't deal with them. My faith wavering in churches from collegetown USA to my hometown, I JUST DIDN'T TRUST GOD's PLAN FOR ME. Even bigger than that, I didn't know what I wanted. If I didn't know what I wanted then how could GOD know?
All along somewhere in my deep subconscious I must of known I wanted a big family because not only did I grow up in one, those moments of organized chaos, multiple pets, and cousins and aunts and uncles a-plenty, defined my future for me.
As I pursue adoption, I would ask for your positive thoughts and prayers as I embark on this motherhood journey and to TRUST my FAITH and to call upon HIM to guide me where I need it, just as we call upon HIM in situations that challenge us.
WITH FAITH, WE ARE STRONGER. Without, we are like wandering sheep in the night. Have you been on both sides of the Faith debate. I'd love to hear your story. The love of GOD surpasses all understanding and I'm quite sure Jesus would say our dreams are worth pursuing no matter how old we are!!!